Is it Sports? Aaron Rodgers, Zach Wilson, NFL QBs causing offseason drama

By Charlotte Wilder
FOX Sports Columnist

When you think of sports, you probably think of a game played on a field or a court. You think of athletes and coaches, season tickets and hot dogs, the elation of wins and the heartbreak of losses. You picture uniforms, pom poms, giant hands made out of foam and stadiums filled with screaming crowds. 

All of this is, obviously, accurate. But I’d argue that those are more specific to *a* sport. Sports — as a singular concept — is a much broader category. Sports is a vibe. An energy. You know capital-s Sports when you see it, even if you’re not immediately aware. 

If you’ve been following me for a while, you know the concept of Sports as a way of life is not a new topic around these parts. Five years ago (how is that possible?), I wrote a definitive breakdown of what constitutes Sports. I argued that for something to be Sports, the answer must be “yes” to at least four of the following six questions: 

1. Does it involve competition?
2. Does it require a significant amount of physical exertion?
3. Can you write about it on a sports website without people asking why you’re writing about it on a sports website?
4. Can you choose sides?
5. Would a majority of people be entertained by watching it?
6. Would you do it for fun?

There is, however, a special clause known as Rule No. 7, which states that I am allowed to override the criteria and ask one simple question: “Does it feel like Sports?”

Let me give you an example: chicken wings. Chicken wings are Sports. 

As I wrote at the time: “Of course wings are sports. Wings are sports in the same way that dogs are good. Wings are what sports would taste like if you could eat them. Wings are flavored with the hearts of the victors and the tears of the losers. Wings are the trophies of the food world.”

Since 2017, I’ve dabbled on and off with being The Arbiter of Sports, a title I gave myself. I retired the bit a few years ago, but now I’m bringing it back because I think this world of ours needs a bit more nonsensical joy, and I would like to do my part to infuse it with some.

This is a very roundabout way of saying: Welcome to my new column, “Is it Sports?” 

We’re going to kick it off with a subject near and dear to my heart: offseason quarterback drama. The NFL season is less than two months away, a fact that is terrifying because I’m pretty sure 2022 *just* started but also thrilling because on Sundays, it will once again be socially acceptable to sit on the couch for eight hours straight.

We haven’t seen our intrepid heroes of the gridiron for some time now, but that doesn’t mean they haven’t been busy. The sports drama gods have given us plenty of material before players report to camp, so I’ve taken it upon myself to round up the best stories and decide if NFL players’ off-field adventures are — or are not — Sports.

Please join me.

Is Aaron Rodgers‘ new tattoo Sports?

The NFL’s agent of chaos has had a busy summer. He was dating the actress Shailene Woodley — a woman whose name I can now spell without looking it up — but they broke up in May. They had a brief “will they, won’t they” period, but that seems to be over because there is a new woman in Rodgers’ life. Blu of Earth is a podcaster/shaman (??) who denies being a witch.

Personally, I would never deny being a witch if someone accused me of it publicly, but that’s neither here nor there. 

Anyway, Rodgers recently got a tattoo on his arm by Balazs Bercsenyi, the same guy who tattooed Blu’s arm a few years ago. I listened to a podcast Blu recorded in October 2019 (the things I do for journalism!), in which she said she had wanted a tattoo by this artist for months but was scared that if she got one, her mother wouldn’t love her anymore.

Blu eventually overcame her fear and got inked up. And a week ago, Rodgers revealed that he did, too.

Rodgers said he would tell the story behind the tattoo someday, and that needs to happen sooner rather than later because until he does, the only thing I will be able to do during Packers games is wonder what it all stands for. 

So is this tattoo Sports? By my own criteria, no: It doesn’t involve competition, nor does it require a significant amount of physical exertion (exertion and pain are not the same thing). I can write about it on a sports website without a ton of people asking me why, but I can’t choose sides. It is entertaining, but I don’t think anyone should do this for fun. 

But what about rule No. 7? Does it feel like Sports?

No, it feels like the illuminati and astrology. Both fine on their own, but neither one is Sports.

Ruling: Not Sports

Is Patrick Mahomes‘ summer Sports?

As a palate cleanser for the words above, Mahomes and his wife, Brittany Matthews, recently announced that they are having a second child.

 Mahomes also saved Josh Allen’s life on the golf course. 

Ruling: Baby = not Sports. Catching a football inches from Josh Allen’s face = Sports. 

Is Tom Brady‘s new movie Sports? 

You know by now that the bionic, ageless man retired and then unretired and is now ramping up for his 21st season in the NFL. He has also, however, been very busy hawking his new line of underpants and filming a feature called “80 For Brady,” which stars the GOAT foursome of iconic actresses Sally Field, Jane Fonda, Rita Moreno and Lily Tomlin. 

The film is set in 2017, so Brady’s former Patriots teammates Rob Gronkowski, Julian Edelman and Danny Amendola all reunited in New England uniforms for a shoot.

Am I — a Patriots fan dealing with the reality of failed head coaches Matt Patricia and Joe Judge being in charge of Mac Jones’ development — handling it OK? Sorry, I can’t answer that because I’m too busy watching highlights of the 28-3 Super Bowl. 

Oh, and is it Sports? Yes. I don’t care about the criteria. I’m invoking rule No. 7. It feels like Sports, so it’s Sports.

Ruling: Sports

Is Zach Wilson‘s wild love life Sports?

Here’s the story you’ve all been waiting for. The amount of unfounded gossip to come is pretty incredible, but it has taken the sports world by storm, so I will give you a rundown of the allegations.

On July 9, Wilson’s former BYU teammate Dax Milne — who now plays for the Washington Commanders — posted two pictures on Instagram with a woman who wasn’t showing her face on the beach. People on the internet decided this was Wilson’s ex-girlfriend, Abbey Gile. Gile and Wilson allegedly started to separate in January, and there was quite an online hubbub about Wilson’s former teammate now seeing Wilson’s former girlfriend. 

Then Gile — who is a New Jersey-based influencer, the most glamorous job title I have ever heard — confirmed the relationship with Milne and dropped a bomb. In a now-deleted comment on Milne’s post, she wrote that Wilson was having adult relations with his mother’s best friend.  

Gile has since deleted her Instagram profile altogether (a life goal of mine).

Wilson, for his part, said nothing until this week, when he posted a picture of himself and some teammates on Instagram with the caption, “Took the boyz to @gozzerranchclub in Idaho before camp! Poor cell service…what I miss?”

I want to know if Wilson hired a PR firm to come up with that caption or if he thought of it himself. Because if it’s the latter, my respect for him will skyrocket. 

Wilson’s mom has also had a real field day with her son being in the New York tabloids. On Instagram, where her handle is @lifeaccording2lisa (amazing), she posted lengthy stories that didn’t make much sense but proved to be invaluable memes. 

Lisa has also recently taken videos of her friends working out and visiting her at home, calling them sexy … 

… and then insinuating that her son has not been intimate with them. 

This is a woman who preaches about the dangers of the internet on her social media platforms. The call, as they say, might be coming from inside the house.

But the best and most football-related aspect of this whole rumor mill is that Jets fans have seemingly delighted in their team garnering publicity for reasons other than being terrible at football. The proof? Since the kerfuffle, Wilson has received more futures bets for league MVP than any other quarterback.

Ruling: I don’t know why you even have to ask. This is Sports.

Is the end of Baker Mayfield‘s Progressive commercials Sports?

Yes, Mayfield finally escaped Cleveland and is now fighting former Jet Sam Darnold for the starting job on the Panthers.

But the more important piece of news when it comes to Mayfield is that he no longer plans to appear in those Progressive Insurance commercials in which he pretended to live at the Browns’ stadium.  

He also said the company declined to film one in which he was “moving out.”

I suppose it’s tough to sell the idea of protecting your house when the foundation is remarkably shaky and you’re being evicted. 

Ruling: Not Sports (rule No. 7 invoked).

Are Russell Wilson’s family photos Sports? 

Rodgers might be the king of chaos, but the Broncos’ new quarterback is the king of benign chaos. Because on a random Tuesday, he’ll drop pictures like these. 

Ruling: Not not Sports, but not Sports. Verdict is still out.

Is Lamar Jackson‘s beef with Bernard Pollard Jr. Sports?

The Ravens’ quarterback recently got into a fight with the former Baltimore safety.

It’s pretty self-explanatory, so just read these exchanges.  

“BERNARD” in all caps absolutely sends me.  

Ruling: 1000% Sports

Is Kirk Cousins’ handshake with Andy Murray Sports?

You didn’t expect to see Cousins in here, did you? Well, the NFL’s resident Big Dad Energy has been playing tennis in the offseason and told the tennis star, “I admire your grit,” when the two recently shook hands. 

For some reason, I find that absolutely delightful.

And this is about as juicy as it gets with Cousins. Like the time he said he liked to listen to Creed in the locker room. 

Ruling: sports but with a lowercase S

Thank you for reading! Please feel free to reach out if you want to know whether something is Sports. You know where to find me. I’m on the internet. 

(The internet is not Sports).

Charlotte Wilder is a general columnist and cohost of “The People’s Sports Podcast” for FOX Sports. She’s honored to represent the constantly neglected Boston area in sports media, loves talking to sports fans about their feelings and is happiest eating a hotdog in a ballpark or nachos in a stadium. Follow her on Twitter @TheWilderThings.